10 Steps to Become Your Greatest Version

April 01, 2018

"I will be liken to the rain drop which washes away the mountain; the ant who devours the tiger; the star who brightens the earth; the slave who builds a pyramid. I will build my castle one brick at a time ." Og Mandino

Self-care and self-love are the solid foundation to anyone who desires a  joyful life free of unnecessary suffering.

There was a time when I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of my bed. Getting up gave me anxiety, facing the world gave me anxiety, life felt too heavy to take on and I was the prisoner of my fears. 

After numerous deep conversations with friends, people I encounter on my journey, family and strangers I decided to put together 10 steps that I took to move myself from feeling like a victim to being the creator of my life.

So one day, I woke up, took a sheet of paper and wrote: "I am amazing." 

| STEP ONE : Stop running away from yourself |

I use to be so afraid of being with myself or even spending a minute alone. Because of that I would always make sure to stay busy, hang out with friends and often the wrong ones.

There was a time when I would rather spend my time with toxic people who made me feel unworthy and unhappy than spend that same amount of time with myself.

What I came to realise, when I didn't have a choice anymore and had to face myself, is that I couldn't face the truth, I thought that accepting that I wasn't ok and depressed meant something was wrong with me. But more so I had to face my demons that I had tried to bury.

The thing I didn't know though, was that under my demons lied my truth. That under those layers and layers of bad thoughts, events and traumas, was layng an amazing journey and unbroken person waiting to be found again.

Sometimes the easier ways are not the right ones. The best thing you can do sometimes is to face your fears. And the hardest part is actually the first step you take. But then it's not as hard as we think. You are so much stronger than you think.

Getting to know myself, looking at that person I was avoiding to face in the mirror made me realise that there was someone within who was desperate to be heard. 

Being destructive with myself, with others and creating so much suffering around me was an attempt from my pain body to stay alive and feed itself, but the truth, your essence, you higher nature is always stronger than that. That's why it is hard to resist it. 

Letting go of the past, of the fears of the beliefs was such a relief to my soul.

So let it go and look at the person who desperatly needs your attention.

| STEP TWO : Healing |

Our parents, people and family members before us came into this world and were taught what they taught us afterwards. They didn't knew better. They gave us what they had learned. And sometimes it hurt really bad.

I use to be in denial for a long time about my past. I didn't remember a lot of it. For me nothing was wrong I was supposed to be happy. But why couldn't I find a reason to appreciate life? Why was I still depressed?

The day I had to look at myself and let go, to be honest,  I had a lot of nightmares and my memory was releasing so much things. I had flashbacks all the time. It wasn't easy at all.

We tend by instinct to run away when something is understood by our brains as a "threat". 

And that's how we push down what we should allow at the surface to be observed, aknowledge and healed.

I'm a firmer believer that our human brains are miracle creators but as complex as those machines are, sometimes  when it comes to past trauma and abuse, seeking help from a professional is the best way to heal. Because some of us have been through so much that having someone to help us go through those events, memories with a professional eye will help us heal.

Understanding what core beliefs we have that pushes us to create chaos and suffering in our lives is essential. 

That's why healing is important. Because without healing you cannot create a loving and compassionate environment for ourselves.

I use to wish to be a guy, because men were socially trained to be "strong". When actually how can you be strong without having to courage to be vulnerable?

Don't be afraid to be vulnerable, to be yourself. Because the world will love you for that. You'll see.

| STEP THREE : Build your self-love|

The foundation of a joyful and meaningful life is to love yourself. 

I am so grateful that today we see more and more body positivity, self-care and postitive content in the Medias. So much people are working so hard to put this message out there so we can realize that loving ourselves is the foundation to a better world.

We don't realise the worldwide impact self-love can have. 

You cannot create love, give love, and receive love if you don't know how to love yourself first. The past isn't your responsibility but how you build your future is. 

But loving yourself isn't just about love, it is also about learning to protect yourself, to be confident, to get past your fears and limited beliefs you have of yourself. Becoming your greatest version that will benefit to the world.

When you learn how to accept and embrace your truth, your higher self, what you love and what comes naturally to you, you become a creator. 

Nobody will love you as much as you will. And nobody will take care of you as much as you will.

I learned what love was the day I learned to love myself. Often it is easier to love others to find qualities in people. We can be good friend, a good listener to friends and family.

But what about being a listener to our emotions and feelings? What about being your own best friend?

As a well-known writer and youtuber Grace Francesca said: "You need to be your own best friend. So if your best friend had a hard time, what would you do to make her/him feel better?”

And it starts with repeating to yourself every day : You are amazing. I love you.

| STEP FOUR : Awareness and mindfulness|

In his book “The power of now”. Eckart Tolle talks about how to put a distance with our thoughts.

When you understand that you are NOT your thoughts and that you can just be the observer of you mind, whenever you feel overwhelmed you can always take a step back and not identify with those negative beliefs.

We were brought up with so much bad belief system that in order to unlearn them we need to identify them at first. We walk around with so much pollution in our heads without acknwoledging it. Uncouscious of why we create suffering and unnecessary obstacles for ourselves.

Eckart Tolle made a discovery while having a suicidal episode and couldn’t deal with his mind anymore. He suddently understood that he wasn’t that “self” , that identity he was sick of. He discovered that he could just be and watch his thoughts without letting them consume him.

The present is all that exist in that moment of truth. And that’s how he spent months on a bench everyday oberving and being present. And to be honest back when I was depressed but started to be able to go out again, I did that to an extent. Every two days, I would go sit on a bench in a park next to my house.

I would observe and admire the trees, the leaves, the birds. The kids playing and laughing, feeling the wind dancing in my hair. And I felt such as peace because I was so consumed by my thoughts and yet for the first time in a long time, everything just was. And my thoughts were there but it was fine. I was just enjoying being there and feeling again.

Watching your feelings, emotions and body is such an important foundation. Because when you learn to connect with them not only you can take a step back when past trauma, negative thoughts come back once in a while, but they become your friends and indicator of what is going on, and how you react to the world.

It is not about denying them but rather accepting them for who they are in the moment and allowing yourself to be.

It could be sitting in a park, drawing, and painting, cooking, cleaning or dancing no matter what makes you feel alive again. It is often something effortless that you are gifted to do.

| STEP FIVE: Repeat, repeat, repeat. |

I use to have a friend whose dad listened daily to motivational content. And while talking to her, she gave me some names and ressources. I knew the existence of that kind of content but she opened my mind on the idea of habits and discipline.

Her dad would listen every day to a motivational content or self-help audio book to train his mind to success and discipline his beliefs and mindsets. Even though he had succeeded already in terms of his goals.

A young Irish kid born in a poor family all the way to being a successful accountant with a beautiful family and house. 

I found it truly inspiring. Because he was a real life example that I could relate to.

I was searching for Jim Rohn's content on YouTube one day. The famous motivational speaker in the USA during the mid-1900s. I stumbled across one of his numerous speeches that I HIGHLY recommend called :

No need to say that it changed my life. One of the things that he talked about - in this video or another one I'm don't remember exactly - was that we need to train our minds to success. Otherwise nothing is possible.

His content left me so speechless and inspired that I started to listen to it every day at least once a day if it wasn't two. And it's a two hour speech. For weeks and months I would listen to that speech until I knew it by heart.

And as I listened to it every day; my reality started to change. My mindset and my beliefs too. I got more energy and started to write my goals down. Then I grabbed on to anything new I would learn and listen to it until my subconscious mind had integrated it.

Still my emotions where there, I still had anxiety from time to time and had to deal with the past. But as I healed, I progressively start seeing the world differently.
And even when I would fall down again or just slip. All those seeds planted in my mind helped me to get through it and grow more and more each time.

Another material I would recommend that talks about about this is "The greatest salesman in the world" by Og Manidino. The author invites us to repeat each chapter for thirty days for that matter. To create new good habits.

So training your mind is essential. Happiness is also a choice and a discipline unlike what we have been taught to belief. It is a daily choice.

| STEP SIX: Take responsibility for your life |

"Whether you think you can or you can't, either way, you are right"

When you feel like a victim you will see the world through that perspective. And it will feel horrible.

When I understood that life didn't have to happen to me but rather be a beautiful adventure that I had the control on to an extent. Everything became different.

Your past circumstances don't define you. You might not have chosen your childhood but you can choose your future. So what you plant today, the mindset you have will determine the brightness of the future but also how you feel in your present.

Take responsibility for your state of mind, your actions and how you perceive the world. 

| STEP SEVEN: Plant your seeds |

“If you can see it in your mind, you will hold it in your hands” Bob Practor

No thoughts, no ideas, no dreams are born without taking action. 

Your present is the seeds you've planted yesterday and tomorrow will be the result of what you planted today in your present circumstances.

The day you own that responsibility everything can change, limitation and what is possible get a brand new meaning. 

In more depth and on a more spiritual level, as Benitho Massaro a spiritual teacher talks about. You need to plants seeds in your imagination and actions to create whatever you want to create in your life.

But more importantly if you want to attract what you REALLY want into you life, you need to desire things from of place of abundance already.

When we desire things often it can make us feel sad or depressed because we don’t have it yet. That mindset is tricky because when we think we want something we actually attract the opposite as we focus on the fact that we don’t have it yet.

When you already feel the abundance and whenever you think about all those things you desire and already feel like you have them, you will not only attract them but will cultivate your joy and happiness everyday by thinking about them and feeling like a millionaire metaphorically speaking.

How amazing is that? How amazing is the fact that we have such a powerful imagination that what we think we can create?

| STEP EIGHT: Gratefulness |

Gratefulness attracts abundance.

Not desiring things from a place of lack but already feeling you have them is a way to be grateful too.

Gratefulness raises your vibration as you feel already filled with abundance.

From that place and mindset already abundance comes instantaneously.

A lot of us when it comes to achieving goals or getting something we want we often look at what we are missing instead of appreciating what we have and wishing for more incredible things to come in our way.

I use to look at my life and pinpoint everything that didn’t please me or that I felt I was lacking of. What a shame. We all are sitting on a pile of gold. But we are to blind to see it. So we search everywhere to find it without realizing it was there since the beginning.

Know your worth and realise how rich you already are, how much skills and gifts you have.
The same way we can envy others for what they have focus on what you have. It’s easier to see qualities in others than in ourselves. That’s why self-love is so important. You learn how to see and appreciate your own gifts and be suprised by your abilities.

“Maybe the reason you don't see it is that it's stuck to your back. What I mean is, a person's admiral qualities - they're just like, say, a pickled plum on a rice ball. In other words the person's the rice ball and the plum's stuck to their back. So, all over the world you can have rice balls made with all sorts of wonderful ingredients, all different flavors and shapes and colors, but since they'd be stuck in the middle of everyone's back, someone could have a plum and not even know it. They'd look at themselves and think "I'm so plain, nothing but white rice," even though it isn't true because, turn them around and, sure enough, there it is. There's the plum. So if someone is jealous of somebody else, well, then, it's probably because it's easier to see the plum on someone else's back than it is on your own. Yup. I can see it. I can see it very clearly, Kyo. You don't know it but you have a great big plum on your back. “ Tohru Honda - Fruit Basket

Be grateful because you are already a millionaire sitting on a pile of gold.

| STEP NINE: Get over your fears |

Life should be an adventure. Not a place to feel unworthy.

One of the first steps I took when I decided to change the course of my life was writing on a piece of paper all the things I was afraid of. 

And one by one I went to do them. And that’s how I went out to get over my fears.

One of the greatest speeches I listened too was “How to get past your Fears” By Les Brown.

Fears are here to be overcome and often we realize afterwards how irrational our fears actually are sometimes and how it limited us in our growth.

I use to think I couldn’t take care of kids, that I wouldn’t be able to entertain them. And so being a camp counselor was a big fear of mine as I thought I was an introvert. 

And that’s how I decided to work in the US as one and go through all the process to get picked in a Camp and spend my summer there.

All the process was so frightening and I felt so uncomfortable and anxious. But the thing with learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, is that you grow so much and it is in those moments that you discover yourself the most.

I had interviews, had to make a presentation video and sell myself which was so hard to me at first but then realized how I was actually enjoying it.

And then I got picked for a Camp and all the way to Boston I was so frightened. From the moment I arrived until the kids came I wanted to leave every day. Every day was so uncomfortable. 

But it is when the kids arrived that I discovered how much of a great Camp Counselor I made, all the people I was working with as well as my unit coordinator were really impressed by my skills and ability in taking care of them. Someone even thought I was a primary teacher! Insane right?

But that’s the wonderful thing in going out of your comfort zone! You grow so much, challenge yourself and become more and more of your greatest version.

And you just feel so much more alive. Solo traveling for example was amazingly incredible. When a few years ago solo traveling was so frightening and felt so far away to me I discovered that actually that’s what I've always wanted to do and where I felt the most alive. 

That’s the second reason you need to get over your fears. That’s how you discover what you truly want to do and to be.

So be afraid and do it anyway.

| STEP TEN: Greet the world with Love & Compassion |

All we all want in this world is to be accepted and loved. No matter who you are, where you came from and where you are going. It is our human nature. Love is the most powerful ability we have as infinite beings. It transcends all heart of stone, all monstrosity. Everything.

I use to be so judgmental of others. Sure we are not perfect and sometimes we can caught ourselves judging someone to quickly that’s fine. As long as you redirect your energy and keep that awareness of your thoughts.

When you are able to accept yourself as you are and love yourself unconditionnaly, often not judging others comes more and more naturally. Because you get the deep understanding that everybody can suffer, everybody has his or her moments.

When you learn to love yourself everything falls back into place in a sense. And you can see love in others, you can see how everybody just wants to be happy.

And finally you want to see others happy.

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