The Bridget Jones syndrom

May 02, 2017

Why do a lot of women fall into disfunctional relationships ?

In all the straight girls that I've met, included me, the majority of them either knew a friend who was in an disfunctionnal relationship or somewhere on the scale of an abusive relationship. Or found themselves at one point in their lives in one, and unfortunately sometimes still was.

According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 3 women has been a victim of physical brutality by an intimate partner

So why do most of girls and women find themselves at one point in their lives in a disfunctionnal or emotional and unfortunately sometimes physical abusive relationship ?

Women & society

What came out, after many researches, reflexions and discussions with friends on that matter, was first on a larger scale and in general, that women today are suffering more then ever from their representation within society. Women's bodies are sexualized and objectified everyday in all medias. They are used to sell anything and everything.

And consequently, knowing how much images influences us, it can have a huge impact on young girls growing up. Being bombarded by messages and images that basically tells them that their value is measured to the level of boys and later on men's attention simultaneously as being exposed to the very restricted beauty standards of society. Resulting on girls associating their level of confidence and value with the level of attention they get from the opposite sex which is proportional to their external appearance.

We all remember between the age of 12 and 14 when the popular girls that started to appear were the ones having all the boys' attention and praised for their beauty. And how we were already being on a list from the prettier to the less prettier. Leaving the "normal" girls feeling bad about themselves and less confident in their bodies as focusing on finding ways to be more pretty or as pretty as that one girl.

We can also weirdly see the similarity between this phenomenon in the school micrososm and how female celebrities today are judged based primarely on their attributes above any of their accomplishements. How beauty for women is the most profitable "skill" today. 

And how as women we look up to those beauty standards and tend to be blinded from other aspects of ourselves.

As human, women are reduced to their external apperance and judged for it creating often low confidence, body image issues, eating disorder 

We are being educated to compete with each other for the attention of men. And through that process also allowing the diet industry to make a lot of money off our insecurities.

In the latest Dove research on women's confidence it was found that :

  • only 4% of women WORLDWIDE consider themselves as beautiful.
  • 47% of girls aged between 11 to 14 years old refuse to take part in activities that might show their bodies in any way.
  • And by the time girls reach the age of 17, 78% will be “unhappy with their bodies".

"Masculinity" & society

But often we can found ourselves staying on one side of the spectrum, instead of trying to understand the globality of those deep rooted believes that society has brain washed in us.

In "The mask you live in" Jennifer Siebel Newsom puts in light another perspective on this gender issue we have struggled with so much in our culture and society which is that masculinity is mostly defined by the rejection of all feminine parts of a human.

So thinking about it masculinity is often defined in the rejection of sensitivness, empathy, care, communication and so much wonderful human qualities that is socially defined as women's characteristics. Which are by default seen as less honorable than masculin "characteristics" (which are also beautiful human qualities).

On a more stereotypical level, masculinity is taken further and twisted by society and medias as : agressiveness, being a predator, having a lot of women, having a lot of muscles, having high expectations, competitiveness, success, money and so many things. And you don't see that only in the media world but socialization in general, takes also place a lot within our intimate circles. Often families and social environements play a huge role in that process. 

So if a lot of boys are thaught growing up that it's not okey to cry, not okey to be sensitive, make fun of if their are still virgins at a certain age, that it's not okey to hang out to much with girls, and so on...

Men have to constantly prove themselves to the world in order to be consider as a boy or a man. 

How does that work out in the future ?

As you can see, society is essentially dividing humans in two halfs: the feminine part and the masculine part. Even though femininity and masculinity find themselves in reality on a spectrum. But mostly bullying each and one of us whether we are female or male.

In men's case, the problem is that we all need empathy, communication skills as being courageous and bold. 

And socializing men with a lack of empathy, not showing their emotions, not crying, not communicating and so on, is unhealthy as it simply goes against human nature. We cannot as human suppress our emotions, and provent us from crying all the time. And unfortunatly, it leads for men to a lot of frustration, suffering and negative thoughts around all parts of them that their are thaught to despise and be ashamed of which are their feminine side. But at the same time they are being thaught that women as money are the evidences of their masculinity and bullied if they don't fit society's expectations of that same masculinity.

From this arises practically all of our today society problems from mental health issues, suicides, mass shooting, homicides to abuse.

The Briget Jones Syndrom

We are still in a gender inequal society for women where we are represented as winning prizes and objects for men. As reduced to our external appearances fitting society's beauty standards and taught to be dependant of men's validation. And where men are put under to much pressure and not allowed to express or feel emotions.

So we can guess that consequently feeling not good enough with low confidence, women can find themselves in this perpetual search for a man or men's attention to be validated. Reminded that if we don't find a handsome masculine man before our 30's life will be miserable. This mentality continues to keep us smaller as a gender in society and can lead to struggle with a lot of things as matching ambitions with ones capabilities and just growing to our grandest version as humans.

But Love itself in our entertainement industry as in a lot of the medias is often misrepresented with bad relationships examples. If we don't have good examples that we can look up to, we are often left with those kind of examples. 

A lot of love movies just spread mistaken ideas of what love is. And it's a problem, when you see the effect it has on real life relationships. 

And with that, associating the state of men's global mental health it seems that there is a lot of chance for women to experienced often from dysfonctionnal to emotional and/or physical abusive relationships.

Of course, relying on facts doesn't mean that we can reduce everyone to statistics. And actually, the day that we will not be able to understand things that easily, will be the day that changes will have gone into motion and when we will all be able to be our own self and get rid of all these labels as changing our society.

Untill then, women are still searching for their place in society and changed a lot of things throughout history thanks to our great grandmothers, grandmothers and mothers. And in order to start changing deeply how women are seen by society, we as women need to change also the way we see ourselves. From self-worth to false believes. Because we are so much more than what we look like. Speaking of false believes, we could start by seeing each other for our similarities instead of our differences. Because we are all human made with emotions, part of all this beautiful life on earth.Without all these labels we would just be equal. 

Reconnecting with ourselves and healing is the best way to go. Because by reconnecting with ourselves we will connect back to each other.

And moreso, when you approve of yourself and know your worth you don't need someone or anything to make you feel good about yourself anymore. Nor being in need to fill something or to be given any kind of worth. 

Honor your true self. Your life will become your fulfillment as your passions and your purpose. You will experience life vibrating and shining as much as you want to. Giving and recieving love as it should be.

Because everybody deserves love and respect

Peace, love and positivity xxx

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