Not good enough

April 01, 2017

Your are always responsible for how you act no matter how you feel
Even if a lot is changing, some topics are still not talked enough about.

For a long time, I've struggled with my body image and self love. Like a lot of people in our society I didn't have a sense of self worth and purpose. I felt empty.

But I didn't talked about it because nobody actually did. I thought I was alone. We are expert at putting on masks but newbies when it comes to honoring our feelings and being real.

And how can we be real and authentic when society keeps our heads down.

I saw women around me always critizising how they looked and always asking for approval from others. And I don't blame them we live in a culture where we define ourselves by our external appearances from our bodies to our success. We were taught to judge books by their covers.

The problem is that when we judge others we judge ourselves too.

I judged a lot of people because I grew up with a voice inside of me telling me I wasn't good enough nor pretty enough. Even if everybody around me would tell me how beautiful I was and how great I was I didn't believe them. I didn't believe my family or close friends because in my everyday life I was reminded that as long that I was fitting in this kind of appearance and this kind of personnality I would be loved.

But that love was conditionnal. Conditionnal to my look and ways. As long that I was fitting in I would be accepted and loved as we all want. But people seemed to care more about if I had gainded weight or not than about my aspirations, more about that person's size and shape or look. Being different was a bad thing. And teachers were the first one putting down students because they didn't fit their expectations.

 And I tried to fit in. Oh I tried! I Tried everything. Being mean, being nice, being funny, being thin, being sexy, being an asshole, being bold, being feminine, being perfect. But as you try to please everybody, you put the needs of others above yours and neglect youself. There is nothing worse than you can do to yourself  than neglect your needs and well being for others. And at the end of the day for what and at what prize? Preventing yourself from being happy and who you actually really are.

And that's why one day I hit a breaking point. When someone I thought loved me and for whom I changed so many things about me, told me that I was worthless. What hurt me the most wasn't really what that person told me,but the fact that I realized that I've had already heard these words. It was familiar. Because I was telling myself that everyday. He was my reflection in the mirror.

And that's the day that "I had it". I needed to take my life back.

No matter how "perfect" you try to be, there will always be someone on this planete that doesn't like you or will want you to fail and it's not personnal, there is nothing wrong with you it's just the way it is. There's always someone that's going to tell you that you are too skinny, too weird, too fat, too stupid, too this or too that. Unfortunatily we don't live in an utopic world where everybody is happy and kind to one another.

Because when people judge you or make you feel not good enough it already comes from a place where they are judged and made fun of. It's a endless viscious circle. We suffer as we don't allow us to express ourselves and so we make others suffer too. If we can't be happy they can't either. If we can't be who we really are they can't either.

The only way to get out of it is to break that circle and follow your own rules. You can't let society and people label you and decide your life for you. Nobody is going to fill that hole apart from you. Nobody is going to give you the unconditional love and approval you need other than yourself.

And we are human sometimes we are going to feel down and feel this "not good enough" mentality kicking back in no matter how succesful we are. But that's when you need to be stronger than that. Knowing that this voice is not yours. This critic inside you isn't yours. Your cannot forbid yourself to feel certain feelings but you can take responsibility for you actions no matter how you feel.

So when someday you don't want to look at your reflection and you feel fat you still hit the gym.
When someday someone puts you down you just keep on keeping on.
And when someday you feel not good enough you keep walking to get on the top of that mountain.

Because you deserve to be happy. And that's what unconditionnal love for yourself is.


Imagine how beautiful this world would be if  we all kinder to ourselves.


Peace, Love and Positivity xxxxx

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